I have a rule when dealing with small children and major life events: Never tell them something AMAZING is gonna happen til the DAY OF the event. Because, y’all, anticipation can kill your kiddo.
Occasionally I break this rule: Hey, kid, you’re going to DISNEY WORLD! In three days!
And things go haywire. Because “three days” means nothing to a 3-year-old. Just like “tomorrow” is pretty much 5 minutes from now.
Eat lunch? Forget it. Take a nap? Not a chance. It’s all… Is it time to go to DISNEY WORLD yet?!
Nothing much gets accomplished. There’s lots of angst. Because the little guy is sure he’s gonna miss the trip. So he asks about it ALL DAY LONG. For several days.
Seriously, y’all, don’t tell your kid she’s going to DISNEY WORLD til you’re halfway there.
Following the rule
This rule keeps life from going off the rails. It keeps your kiddo’s brain from short circuiting from all the ANTICIPATION about the promised event. It means she’ll go to school and go to bed without a fuss. (If only that were true. I mean, we are talking about small, irrational people.)
On Saturday, I learned that the rule needs modification. The afternoon involved a BIRTHDAY PARTY!
My kid lives for cupcakes. That morning I wanted to bring him joy, so I told him that “later on” he was going to Lucy’s party. Joy is an understatement. He was SUPER EXCITED! Spinning around, jumping off things, talking nonstop. About cupcakes. Because the party is secondary (sorry, Lucy) – it’s basically an excuse to eat cupcakes.
At that moment, life stopped. The party wasn’t for another SIX HOURS. But, like the concept of tomorrow, what 3-year-old understands the concept of 3pm?
I moved into damage control. Distract the child at all costs. That meant my husband should take him to the grocery store. An activity he loves. (Ask him where we get milk and he will tell you: the “farmer squeezes those things on the cow” into bottles.)
Oh, no, momma, I cannot go to the store. I must go to Lucy’s birthday party!
No, son, you see, the party isn’t for another 6 hours.
Hubby threw the kid into the car. Distract the toddler at all costs!
Kid and dad returned from the store.
Ok, son, time to potty.
Oh, no, momma, I cannot go potty. I must go to Lucy’s birthday party!
No, son, you see, the party isn’t for another 4 hours.
And so it went.
I even drew a flow chart to map out the agenda for the rest of the day. So he could visualize how a wagon ride, lunch, and his brother’s nap would occupy the next several hours. And THEN Lucy’s birthday party!
Anticipation is a bitch
He didn’t buy it. There were meltdowns. Because his little mind was SUPER BUSY anticipating all the AMAZING things that the BIRTHDAY PARTY would bring. (Did I mention CUPCAKES?) And, along with joy, anticipation also brings CRAZY.
According to neurologist, Gerhard Roth, “…Anticipation includes a sense of tension that things can get even better. In other words, the possibility of a reward can actually make us happy. If anticipation is unfulfilled, this can lead to…negative emotions. Lowering expectations can help with this.”
I tried hard to lower expectations and remind him that the PARTY IS NOT RIGHT NOW.
We made it through the wagon ride and lunch. His daddy threatened to take him to another grocery store. Which resulted in wailing and gnashing of teeth.
His brother went down for a nap. I resumed the task of distracting the toddler at all costs. I suggested we wrap Lucy’s present. Roth-the-neuroscience-guy applauded me: “Wrapping presents provides an extra layer of anticipation that builds toward the surprise.”
We finally made it to the party. With the beloved cupcakes.
So, new rule: Don’t tell the kid something AMAZING is gonna happen until the MINUTE BEFORE you walk out the door. In other words, lower expectations by not creating any. In other words, don’t tell your kid she’s going to Disney World – til you’re staring at Cinderella’s Castle.
Mommy, did you say we’re going to Disney World?
Disney World? Never heard of it.
Share how you “spilled the beans” about Disney World – or any other AMAZING life event – below or on Facebook at MothersRest.
Photo: Caroline Hernandez on Unsplash.com
ADDITIONAL THOUGHTS
I’m excited to share that Triad Moms on Main has featured this story on their blog: When anticipation killed the kiddo.
My four year-old has a birthday party to attend this Saturday, so I took him last Saturday to pick out the gift. He has asked to look at the gift every day since. He has asked me about the kid who’s having the party, every day. He is also asking if the cake will be like his cake, even though his own birthday is not for another three months. This party is the topic of conversation from now until Saturday and it’s my fault for buying the present a week early. The good thing I learned – buy the birthday kid something that my own son already has to keep from tears, coveting, and more money spent. Enjoy the party!